"I have searched frantically for contentment for so many years in so many ways, and all these acquisitions and accomplishments--they run you down in the end. Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time--when pursued like a bandit--will behave like one; always remaining one county or one room ahead of you. At some point you have to stop because it won't. You have to admit that you can't catch it. That you're not supposed to catch it. At some point, you gotta let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you."
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
Hello, Paul, I'm Paul, nice to meet you. I've only been here a little over two weeks, but already this journey is way beyond what I imagined for myself. Yes, I am doing a lot and working and having fun, but here in New York City, I have actually found some peace and quiet. I am learning the art of relaxation and doing nothing. I am drinking coffee and reading while listening to old jazz on a turntable. After a number of years, I am finally getting a real, lengthy chance to just be with myself and to be happy to just be alive. Hell, I volunteered to clean the bathroom at work yesterday and didn't mind one bit! Life is beautiful, and I am so grateful for all of my friends and family. If everyone could feel what I'm feeling right now, I think we'd have world peace. And the Jackson Five's Can You Feel It would be blasting out of every speaker, naturally. Sending good vibes to all my Austin peeps, I miss you dearly. Yes it's alright, take my message to your brother and tell him twice!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Summer Dream
I have been having the craziest dreams lately, whether at night or during naps. From hanging out with Beverly from Roseanne in an electric blue bob wig, to being atop a subway car that has detached and is careening toward certain death, to my iPhone transforming into an iPad, then a laptop, when all I wanted to do is take a damn picture. I chalk it up to my brain processing all the new stimuli around me. Tomorrow I will have been in New York for 2 weeks, I can't even believe it. It's like...a dream. A summer dream! That's right, folks, here is one of my most cherished summer mixes, inspired by but not limited to girl groups. So get out your jump ropes, 45's, and bubble gum and go get some sunshine! 3, 6, 9, the goose drank wine, the monkey chew tobacco on the street car line...
Petropolis
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Vagabondage! A Nomadic Adventure
Part 4: My Own Road
"People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must hold to what is difficult; everything alive holds to it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself in its own way and is characteristically and spontaneously itself, seeks at all costs to be so and against all opposition. We know little, but that we must hold to what is difficult is a certainty that will not forsake us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it."
Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke
Rather unexpectedly, this trip so far has become an experiment in solitude. For that reason, I am very grateful to always have Rilke, nature and my spirituality to guide me. It's been really strange to go from feeling incedibly lonely to being completely happy with myself, sometimes within a day, or even an hour. Because I'm staying adaptable, I'm finding it easier to turn the loneliness around. After a couch nap with old movies in the background as my sound pillow, I was restless and decided to go get some Polish deli food and hang at a neighborhood coffee shop. Got the food to go, the coffee place didn't allow eating outside food, so rather than get upset, I got the coffee to go as well and walked back, in the rain, my backpack soaked and coffee spilling on my hand. But I just finished a delicious feast, and Bette Davis and I are doing just fine. About to enjoy my coffee and, yes, donut by the open window, listening to the fan, the rain, and MGM classics. Meeting Jesse out later for a few drinks. So you see, everything in its right place. Watching the signs as I go. I think there's something to be learned at every stop along this path, and I for one am fully committed to this particular crash course. Stay tuned for photos and reasons why I love New York!
"People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must hold to what is difficult; everything alive holds to it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself in its own way and is characteristically and spontaneously itself, seeks at all costs to be so and against all opposition. We know little, but that we must hold to what is difficult is a certainty that will not forsake us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it."
Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke
Rather unexpectedly, this trip so far has become an experiment in solitude. For that reason, I am very grateful to always have Rilke, nature and my spirituality to guide me. It's been really strange to go from feeling incedibly lonely to being completely happy with myself, sometimes within a day, or even an hour. Because I'm staying adaptable, I'm finding it easier to turn the loneliness around. After a couch nap with old movies in the background as my sound pillow, I was restless and decided to go get some Polish deli food and hang at a neighborhood coffee shop. Got the food to go, the coffee place didn't allow eating outside food, so rather than get upset, I got the coffee to go as well and walked back, in the rain, my backpack soaked and coffee spilling on my hand. But I just finished a delicious feast, and Bette Davis and I are doing just fine. About to enjoy my coffee and, yes, donut by the open window, listening to the fan, the rain, and MGM classics. Meeting Jesse out later for a few drinks. So you see, everything in its right place. Watching the signs as I go. I think there's something to be learned at every stop along this path, and I for one am fully committed to this particular crash course. Stay tuned for photos and reasons why I love New York!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Vagabondage! A Nomadic Adventure
Part 3: Ray of Light
I had one of those rare moments this morning, running in the park, where everything just crystallized, and my eyes welled up with happiness. After days of oppressive humidity, we had a rain shower yesterday that cleared everything out, and today is sunny, 65, and incredible. I'm running through this amazing park, the sun beaming down on me, the blue sky and huge clouds, bright green leaves swaying in the breeze, kids running and playing, people of all ages and colors picnicking, laying out, exercising, playing frisbee...I just knew I was in the right place. The music I was listening to created the perfect movie scene, and I was overcome with the feeling that life is beautiful. Occasional loneliness and homesickness aside, I am right where I'm supposed to be, and I'm discovering more about myself by the minute.
I had one of those rare moments this morning, running in the park, where everything just crystallized, and my eyes welled up with happiness. After days of oppressive humidity, we had a rain shower yesterday that cleared everything out, and today is sunny, 65, and incredible. I'm running through this amazing park, the sun beaming down on me, the blue sky and huge clouds, bright green leaves swaying in the breeze, kids running and playing, people of all ages and colors picnicking, laying out, exercising, playing frisbee...I just knew I was in the right place. The music I was listening to created the perfect movie scene, and I was overcome with the feeling that life is beautiful. Occasional loneliness and homesickness aside, I am right where I'm supposed to be, and I'm discovering more about myself by the minute.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Vagabondage! A Nomadic Adventure
Part 2: Unexpectations
written Friday, June 4 2010
At 9am this morning I was standing in a cemetery. I got up early and went for my first run in NYC. Not far from Emily's neighborhood is this gigantic old Lutheran cemetery, apparently one of several in the area. I've never seen so many statues, mausoleums and pillars erected to the dead. The cemetery just stretched on and on. After I'd wandered and shot photos and sat and wandered some more, I came upon a lone tree that rested atop a hill. As I climbed the hill, expecting to see an expansive vista of Queens, the horizon came into view and revealed itself to be...more cemetery! How big is this thing?? I really couldn't believe how it just kept going. Many people find cemeteries to be morbid and creepy, and I get that. But sometimes, like today, they can be incredibly peaceful and serene. The birds were still chirping, the smell of mowed grass hung in the air, flowers sprang up everywhere...it was a very dreamy, pleasant feeling. Future meditation spot, for sure.
Spent the morning at the apartment, cooking breakfast and getting ready for the day. I love sitting at the computer next to the open window, a light sweat going on and the sound of the train outside. It kinda hit me that, however temporarily, I live here. I don't have an apartment in Austin. Wherever I go, there I am. :)
I'm sitting in Antique Cafe in the Flatiron district, drinking iced coffee and listening to the likes of Fred Astaire and Frank Sinatra. Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you're young at heart. Thanks, Antique Cafe staff. I'm experiencing my first pang of loneliness. I knew this was going to be a journey of self-discovery and that it wouldn't all be a piece of cake, but I didn't expect to feel this so soon. I should probably move on from these old crooners tugging at my romantic heartstrings.
Saturday, June 5 2010
Today we're headed to Battery Park and elsewhere to run errands. Something's telling me I need to be near water today, and I'll be seeing the Statue of Liberty for the first time! Loneliness at bay, it's a brand new day and the city awaits!
written Friday, June 4 2010
At 9am this morning I was standing in a cemetery. I got up early and went for my first run in NYC. Not far from Emily's neighborhood is this gigantic old Lutheran cemetery, apparently one of several in the area. I've never seen so many statues, mausoleums and pillars erected to the dead. The cemetery just stretched on and on. After I'd wandered and shot photos and sat and wandered some more, I came upon a lone tree that rested atop a hill. As I climbed the hill, expecting to see an expansive vista of Queens, the horizon came into view and revealed itself to be...more cemetery! How big is this thing?? I really couldn't believe how it just kept going. Many people find cemeteries to be morbid and creepy, and I get that. But sometimes, like today, they can be incredibly peaceful and serene. The birds were still chirping, the smell of mowed grass hung in the air, flowers sprang up everywhere...it was a very dreamy, pleasant feeling. Future meditation spot, for sure.
Spent the morning at the apartment, cooking breakfast and getting ready for the day. I love sitting at the computer next to the open window, a light sweat going on and the sound of the train outside. It kinda hit me that, however temporarily, I live here. I don't have an apartment in Austin. Wherever I go, there I am. :)
I'm sitting in Antique Cafe in the Flatiron district, drinking iced coffee and listening to the likes of Fred Astaire and Frank Sinatra. Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you're young at heart. Thanks, Antique Cafe staff. I'm experiencing my first pang of loneliness. I knew this was going to be a journey of self-discovery and that it wouldn't all be a piece of cake, but I didn't expect to feel this so soon. I should probably move on from these old crooners tugging at my romantic heartstrings.
Saturday, June 5 2010
Today we're headed to Battery Park and elsewhere to run errands. Something's telling me I need to be near water today, and I'll be seeing the Statue of Liberty for the first time! Loneliness at bay, it's a brand new day and the city awaits!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Vagabondage! A Nomadic Adventure
Part 1: SynchroniCity
"Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."
- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
Even with all the traveling, walking, hustling and bustling, I am oddly relaxed. The interview/conversation went great at Irving Farm today, and I got the job right off the bat! A couple of trainings next week and some real shifts the following week, with the possibility to pick up as well. She had actually already put me on the schedule because she had a good feeling about me.
After shopping in SoHo but not buying anything, I decided to walk through Chinatown and find somewhere to eat. I knew I would need to find a hardware store later to make keys. Lo and behold, one appeared before me when I wasn't even looking. Job, check. Keys, check. Oh, and the job's gonna be paid weekly, in cash. How perfect!
Halfway through Chinatown, I decide I'd rather eat in Little Italy, because I'm still reading about Italy in Eat Pray Love and would like to sit and leisurely enjoy some Italian meat and carbs. I was a little confused by my map and thought I would have to backtrack, so I gave up on the Italian idea. Suddenly I spotted Vincent's, established 1906. The servers all speak Italian. Check. I had also been listening to my new summer mix while walking, and as I sat down at Vincent's, one of the songs from my mix came on the radio. I looked out the window and read backwards the sign I had missed coming in: Welcome to Little Italy.
I can't get over how these little nudges from the universe keep happening. Perhaps because I am remaining open to whatever may come. After the sheer stress, anxiety and exhaustion of the last few weeks, I feel like I'm finally able to breathe. It's funny and ironic that I'm finding sanctuary in the city that never sleeps. But here I am, eating lunch at Vincent's, alone, and happy.
"Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."
- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
Even with all the traveling, walking, hustling and bustling, I am oddly relaxed. The interview/conversation went great at Irving Farm today, and I got the job right off the bat! A couple of trainings next week and some real shifts the following week, with the possibility to pick up as well. She had actually already put me on the schedule because she had a good feeling about me.
After shopping in SoHo but not buying anything, I decided to walk through Chinatown and find somewhere to eat. I knew I would need to find a hardware store later to make keys. Lo and behold, one appeared before me when I wasn't even looking. Job, check. Keys, check. Oh, and the job's gonna be paid weekly, in cash. How perfect!
Halfway through Chinatown, I decide I'd rather eat in Little Italy, because I'm still reading about Italy in Eat Pray Love and would like to sit and leisurely enjoy some Italian meat and carbs. I was a little confused by my map and thought I would have to backtrack, so I gave up on the Italian idea. Suddenly I spotted Vincent's, established 1906. The servers all speak Italian. Check. I had also been listening to my new summer mix while walking, and as I sat down at Vincent's, one of the songs from my mix came on the radio. I looked out the window and read backwards the sign I had missed coming in: Welcome to Little Italy.
I can't get over how these little nudges from the universe keep happening. Perhaps because I am remaining open to whatever may come. After the sheer stress, anxiety and exhaustion of the last few weeks, I feel like I'm finally able to breathe. It's funny and ironic that I'm finding sanctuary in the city that never sleeps. But here I am, eating lunch at Vincent's, alone, and happy.
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