Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
A Lesson in Gratitude
I just came home from work to my own room for the first time in 3 months. A temporary room that is, but it's my own space for the month, a place where I can shut the door and be alone, take a nap, read, or just...be. I've adapted to the nomadic life, but my brain has been feeling quite crowded lately in the city that never sleeps.
I'm not gonna lie. Shit has been hard lately. I'm in a little bit of survival mode, and I'm being tested for sure. I've been stocking full-time at this local dinnerware retailer while hunting for bigger and better jobs. Even though I've adjusted to it, the work itself is pretty draining, lifting heavy boxes and plates and running up and down stairs all day long, plus a bit of micromanaging just for fun. Until recently I was hanging onto my part-time coffee shop job by doing doubles on one of my days off. So 53 hours a week, lots of physical work, and one day off, to set the scene. Last week, I managed to get laid off from the cafe, lost my wallet on the subway, lost my iPhone in a cab, and was notified that I didn't get the NYU job I'd been waiting two weeks to hear about. I had my fair share of tears, harsh words, and restraining myself from walking out the door of a job I couldn't stand.
And yet, here I am. I'm alive and healthy and growing stronger by the minute. Amazingly enough, all of this hardship led to some pretty intense spiritual encounters, and I found myself, maybe for the first time in my life, truly understanding and feeling with every fiber of my being what it means to be grateful for what I do have. Staying here and leaving Austin for a bit was a complete leap of faith for me, but as I've remained as open as possible, people and situations come together to aid me. I have THE most amazing family and friends, both in Austin and NYC, without whom this experience would never have been possible. On the day when things seemed the worst and I wasn't sure how much more I could take, I ended up crying happy tears in the bathroom at work, thanking the universe for the opportunity to experience all of this and to have so much love and support surrounding me. I've never felt anything like that before, but I know it opened up a window in my spirit, and it's been easier to keep my chin up since then.
My sister thinks this string of obstacles is a sign I should return home. I am coming back to Austin, but the experience is not complete. I'm cookie dough, still baking in the oven. As hard as it's been at times, I know in my heart that everything happening here is benefiting me. These three months have felt like six, and already I feel myself changing into the person I've long known I'm supposed to be. I'm gaining a whole new perspective on what's important in my life, and I can't wait to see my home through new eyes.
To quote (yet again) Eat Pray Love,
"In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, as long as we have voices."
A heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone, you know who you are.
I'm not gonna lie. Shit has been hard lately. I'm in a little bit of survival mode, and I'm being tested for sure. I've been stocking full-time at this local dinnerware retailer while hunting for bigger and better jobs. Even though I've adjusted to it, the work itself is pretty draining, lifting heavy boxes and plates and running up and down stairs all day long, plus a bit of micromanaging just for fun. Until recently I was hanging onto my part-time coffee shop job by doing doubles on one of my days off. So 53 hours a week, lots of physical work, and one day off, to set the scene. Last week, I managed to get laid off from the cafe, lost my wallet on the subway, lost my iPhone in a cab, and was notified that I didn't get the NYU job I'd been waiting two weeks to hear about. I had my fair share of tears, harsh words, and restraining myself from walking out the door of a job I couldn't stand.
And yet, here I am. I'm alive and healthy and growing stronger by the minute. Amazingly enough, all of this hardship led to some pretty intense spiritual encounters, and I found myself, maybe for the first time in my life, truly understanding and feeling with every fiber of my being what it means to be grateful for what I do have. Staying here and leaving Austin for a bit was a complete leap of faith for me, but as I've remained as open as possible, people and situations come together to aid me. I have THE most amazing family and friends, both in Austin and NYC, without whom this experience would never have been possible. On the day when things seemed the worst and I wasn't sure how much more I could take, I ended up crying happy tears in the bathroom at work, thanking the universe for the opportunity to experience all of this and to have so much love and support surrounding me. I've never felt anything like that before, but I know it opened up a window in my spirit, and it's been easier to keep my chin up since then.
My sister thinks this string of obstacles is a sign I should return home. I am coming back to Austin, but the experience is not complete. I'm cookie dough, still baking in the oven. As hard as it's been at times, I know in my heart that everything happening here is benefiting me. These three months have felt like six, and already I feel myself changing into the person I've long known I'm supposed to be. I'm gaining a whole new perspective on what's important in my life, and I can't wait to see my home through new eyes.
To quote (yet again) Eat Pray Love,
"In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, as long as we have voices."
A heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone, you know who you are.
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